Have you ever wondered why we get angry?

According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, "emotions are, in essence, impulses to act—instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us."

The Purpose of Anger

If you're not sure why you're angry, try thinking of anger like an iceberg. Most of an iceberg is hidden beneath the surface of the water.

Similarly, when we feel anger, there may be other emotions hidden beneath the surface. Anger is rarely just about anger—underneath, there are often more vulnerable feelings. It's easy to see someone's anger, but much harder to recognize the emotions it's protecting.

The Anger Iceberg represents the idea that, despite the outward expression of anger, other emotions may be hidden underneath. These can include sadness, fear, or guilt—emotions that can make a person feel vulnerable or that they might not know how to manage effectively.

By exploring what lies beneath, we can gain insight into our anger and find more helpful ways of addressing it. For example, someone who realizes their anger comes from jealousy might benefit from communication skills, while another person whose anger stems from stress might find relief in self-care practices.

Let’s Try a Small Exercise

To start, try answering the following questions:

• Imagine a friend facing a situation that triggers your own anger. What emotions do you think they might feel, besides anger?
• In your family or culture, which emotions are openly expressed? Which ones are usually kept private?
• Picture someone who deals well with tough emotions like sadness or fear. How do they express these feelings? What do they do to cope?
• Can you remember a time when you expressed anger to mask another feeling—like hurt or shame?

In Conclusion

Anger is often not just a reaction but a signal of deeper, more complex emotions. Feelings like sadness, fear, rejection, guilt, or worthlessness may hide beneath the surface of anger. When we dare to listen to what our anger is trying to tell us, we begin to express these emotional needs in healthier ways. Remember: understanding your anger is not about suppressing it, but about understanding yourself.